Making sense or progress in the medical industry can be hard.
When I was younger, there was no progress to be made. I was considered too young to have any medical problems, and I just needed to get outside more. (I’m an outside junky, by the way, so hearing that opinion caused emotional whiplash.) My hips have always ached, my back has always been sore, PMS has always been intense and often debilitating. I was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2009 during my tubal ligation, but the gyne wasn’t particularly worried. He said there was nothing to worry about, so I just didn’t. I thought that this was normal and that everyone must experience the same pain on a regular basis, so I did my best to just cope. All of the aches and pains intensified after my knee break – something I blamed my leg for. After knee dropping PMS pain without menstruating for several months, I went back to my gyne to tell him something was wrong. He actually rolled his eyes at me and brushed me off, telling me it was nothing, and prescribing a medication that didn’t actually address the symptoms I came to him with and that was likely to cause depression – something I was just pulling out of. I went to see my GP to explain the same concerns, as well as bring up the concern of my gyne brushing me off, and I was met with the same response. I didn’t fill the prescription.
I also didn’t see another doctor for several years after that, since they couldn’t seem to be able to help me anyways. During this time my pain worsened, I gained alot of weight, and I became desperate. After my previous experience with the last doctors, though, I was scared of being brushed off again. I saw the occasional walk in doctor who prescribed pain medications, but they didn’t work well enough to make a difference.
When the pain became debilitating, and the fistfulls of OTC pain relief medication weren’t working anymore, I just couldn’t do it anymore. That’s when I finally started trying to find a new family doctor and tried Alberta Health Services for a cannabis prescription. (That’s a story you’ll find here.)
The new doctor I found was amazing, and my heart sank when I found out she was leaving so quickly. The clinic assured me they had found an amazing doctor to take her place, but I was skeptic. But I gave him a chance. And I’m glad that I did.
The issues I started seeing him for were minor. They didn’t have much history of mine, so when I went to him one day and told him something was wrong, he was skeptical when I brought up the possibility of Lupus. I couldn’t blame him. He had been seeing me for under a year, I was always healthy, and suddenly I think I have Lupus? Yep. That did sound absurd. I don’t blame him for that. He ran some basic bloodwork to start, and in the time between appointments I sat down and wrong him a letter. Time is limited in the appointments, so I knew I couldn’t get everything that I needed to out. In my letter I detailed my fear and anxiety of physicians, the reasons I didn’t see him about old, common complaints, and the various signs and symptoms I’ve struggled with that were never addressed – most of which I still struggle with, and I made test requests after doing some reading on my own. It was alot. I worried he wouldn’t take it seriously, or that he would be offended at my own requests. I’m not a doctor, afterall – what would I know and maybe I’m just another Google doctor?
And he read it all, while I was there. He asked me questions, and he ordered a buttload more tests. He refers back to it regularly while he deliberates my case and consults with other professionals.
This was my key. This is what I had needed to do, and this was the physician I needed to find. He’s caring, sincere and is working WITH me to try to find out what’s going on. He didn’t roll his eyes, and he’s communicating all steps with me. I wouldn’t have found him if I refused to see a physician for so long. So whatever happened before, it just doesn’t matter. This is where I need to be now.
I used to be angry at the medical system. I felt let down. And now – I’m ok. The medical system is run by people, who make mistakes, which can create more mistakes and loopholes and holes in the system where you can get lost way too easily. It’s a human thing, and it happens. I need to be able to do my part in taking care of myself.
The best thing I ever could have done for myself was to look into things on my own, with an open mind and avenues to look at without convincing myself of something we can’t know yet. There have been days I’ve been scared. Hell, I’m STILL scared. Sometimes unknowns are exciting and adventurous – but some are scary. This is one of those times that the adventure is more scary than exciting.
Progress is being made, though. It does take time, sometimes, and it’s important to remember that. I took control of my own health, and I have learned to FIRE my doctor if I’m not happy with the one I have. There are others – and some will be more well suited to my case than others. Some doctors don’t fit well with me – and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean they won’t do better for someone else.
One of my teachers advised me to trust the system. Maybe not the medical system, per se, but the system overall. Things will happen, and I’ll adjust as I need to. And I’m excited to have more exciting unknowns again!